By now, most people in business accept networking as a necessary tool for firms that want to increase their business and reach out to new markets, as well as for individuals who wish to advance in their careers. Although today there are more ways than ever to engage in "virtual networking" - via social media and other appropriate online forums, for example - there is still a need for the old-fashioned type that includes personal contact and face-to-face communications. This type of networking requires some social skills, though, and if you're shy, the thought of "working a room" or schmoozing might be enough to make you break out into a cold sweat. Perhaps you wonder how you could possibly be a successful networker.
The good news is that you don't have to be a life-of-the-party type in order to network effectively. Shyness is not necessarily a liability and can actually be an asset. For that matter, the fact that a person is outgoing doesn't necessarily mean that he or she will be a great networker. Some outgoing people are overbearing or arrogant, and that's a turnoff for everyone.
If you're shy, here are a few tips for overcoming your fear and making your shyness work for you in a networking situation.
Be prepared. Do your homework and research ahead of time so you can find out about some of the others who will be attending your networking event. Check the attendees' Web sites and their pages on social networking sites such as Facebook or LinkedIn. Knowing something about the other people you might meet there gives you a head start for conversational topics. Also, be sure to dress appropriately for the event, and take plenty of business cards.
Put the event in perspective. Recognize that while it's possible you will make some useful new contacts or even forge a friendship or two, don't think of this one event as the pivotal afternoon or evening that will determine all of your future success and happiness. It's just a gathering, presumably just one of many opportunities you will have to help you on your journey to greater success. At worst, it can be a way to spend a reasonably pleasant couple of hours.
Remember that it's NOT all about you. Shy people have a tendency to be self-conscious, imagining that everyone is looking at and judging them. The truth, however, is that most people are focused on themselves. That said, you can make your shyness work for you by focusing on others. Concentrate on being a listener rather than a talker. Shy people can be great listeners, and everyone who's a good talker loves a great listener. The advantage of being a listener is that you learn all sorts of fascinating things about people. This can be an entertaining and enlightening experience in itself, even if you don't forge any new business relationships that night.
Don't let conversational lags turn into awkward silences. If you don't wish to talk about yourself and your work, the best way to keep the conversation going is to ask the other person about her or his work or about other subjects that seem appropriate. But be sure to ask questions requiring more than a straight "yes" or "no" answer; otherwise, you could find yourself back in awkward-silence mode. If all else fails, make a joke about the awkward silence, which should lighten things up and perhaps start a new conversational ball rolling. You might even end up rescuing another shy person in the process (see #6, below).
Don't try to overcompensate for your shyness. Don't, for example, insinuate yourself rudely into other people's conversations. Don't bounce around the room frantically introducing yourself and pushing your business card under everyone's nose. And for gosh sakes, go easy on the drinking. Remember that shyness is nothing to be ashamed of and that sometimes, a reserved person can be a breath of fresh air in a room full of big egos and big talk.
Remember that you're probably not the only shy person in the room. Chances are, you'll be able to spot others who find networking as awkward as you do. If you're finding the mixing and mingling a bit awkward, scan the room for someone who looks as if she or he could use a friend. Head on over and strike up a conversation, even if your opening salvo is a good-natured remark about how much you dislike networking.
As is the case with anything else, networking will get easier with practice. You might even find that your shyness all but disappears. You may never become a top-notch schmoozer, but if you learn to (a) put each networking event in perspective; (b) embrace your shyness and make it work for you; and (c) focus on someone else besides yourself, you might even learn to enjoy networking. And it's a great way to keep your name and your brand visible to the larger business community.
THIS IS NOT INVESTMENT, TAX OR LEGAL ADVICE. Consult with a financial advisor, accountant or attorney before making important decisions in these areas.
